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Yet the idea that loneliness is a uniquely modern emotion doesn’t quite sit right. The emotional state of loneliness – experiencing the distress that estrangement, rejection or the painful awareness of separateness from others can cause – can be seen in literary representations going back centuries, even if the word itself is rarely used. The revenge of Frankenstein’s monster was partly motivated by a powerful desire for companionship: ‘I am an unfortunate and deserted creature; I look around and I have no relation or friend on earth’. A hundred years earlier and Robinson Crusoe’s near thirty years of isolation was also marked by a need for social interaction – for just ‘one fellow-creature, to have spoken to me and to have conversed with!’. The Wanderer , an old English poem found in the 10th century Exeter book (but likely to have been composed much earlier), is an elegiac meditation on loss, and the loneliness of the exile. It uses wintery images as metaphors for the isolation, melancholy and depression caused by the loss of home and kin. For the speaker, a warrior who refers to himself as ‘the friendless one’, ‘there is none living to whom I dare clearly speak of my innermost thought’. While the word ‘loneliness’ isn’t used, even in modern translations, it is clear that this is the emotional state he is experiencing.

Robinson Crusoe (1898), C.E. Brock. Europeana Collections

These examples of exiled, marooned or alienated characters suggest that loneliness is an involuntary state, contrasting with the idea of solitude – something people can choose to seek out. While existing alone during the prehistoric, ancient and early modern periods could often be a physically dangerous condition – made vulnerable to life’s ravages by a lack of social sustenance – the opportunities for lone living were also limited. Unless pursuing religious or spiritual solitude, extended family, community and kin provided essential physical and emotional support for many. Choosing to be alone could in fact provoke suspicion. Writing in 1677, diarist John Evelyn felt that solitariness could ‘dissolve’ the world – threatening the very existence of life – as it ‘produces ignorance, renders us barbarous, feeds revenge, disposes us to envy, creates witches and dispeoples the world’.

Seeking out solitude as part of a spiritual life crosses many cultures and historical periods. The rishis of Vedic India, the Sibyls of ancient Greece and various Christian ascetic hermits all valued the power of ‘aloneness’ as a means of initiating transformative spiritual experiences.

St Paul, the first hermit (not looking that ‘alone’!) Checked Silk And Cottonblend Poplin Mini Dress Red Alexander McQueen cWcHtw1c

Introspection and melancholy were prized emotions for some British elites of the Georgian period, but were not necessarily states they wished to experience personally. As a means of demonstrating their own elevated emotional capacities, a brief craze among 18th century wealthy landowners saw ‘ornamental’ hermits paid to live a solitary life in their gardens, often for years – an FOOTWEAR Lowtops amp; sneakers Seboy IaBXXg
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Are you on Get a peak into my life with 5 kids aged 7 and under and FOOTWEAR Sandals Cianci U7aHPQX

If you aren’t sure how to be super kind and compassionate and still kinda strict… this post will help you be the empathetic mother you want to be without being too soft on your own rules.

It can seem like we mothers are left with two options.

two options.

You can either be the mother who expects her kids to tow the line and doesn’t allow backtalk or disrespect OR you can be the type of mother who supports her child through their feelings and develops a close emotional bond.

tow the line

The reality is… you can be both.

you can be both.

And I’ll take it a bit further and say this…

Moms who are faithful to enforce their family boundaries actually have more energy, compassion, and empathy to show their children.

Let’s look at some of the biggest reasons moms struggle to be , empathetic and understanding with our kids. The reasons why we often end up angry and triggered , even when we wish we weren’t.

Two Separate Things Are Happening…

The reason you can both hold your family rules and be an understanding empathetic mother is because those are two separate things at any given time. Let me explain with an example.

Our normal family rule is this: after Womens Breda ClosedToe Pumps Gabor 3bQV3fW
you can’t come out of the room until it’s cleaned up .

This has always been the rule, it’s never changed, The reason behind this rule is that I’m the mom and I’ve got 5 kids and I’m not going to pick up after them for the next 15 to 20 years.

One of my kids, on this particular day, did NOT want to clean up. He’d made a huge mess but was now ready to go outside and play. He started flailing, and saying his stomach hurt, and giving every reason under the sun why he shouldn’t have to clean his room.

This did not trigger me.

Because I knew he would eventually clean it and that I WOULD NOT HAVE TO, I did not feel bitter or resentful towards him. Instead, I looked around his room, and knew exactly why he was pitching a fit!

I said.

he answered.

I replied. “

” was his answer.

“Oh, lovey,” I responded, “

I walked out. He flailed a few more minutes and whined a bit, then cleaned up super fast and was done .

This took all of a few minutes, and I had both (a) empathized with him and shown genuine understanding and (b) given him space to carry out my rule.

Sociological attention to emotion has varied over time. Mens NMDcs2 Pk Fitness Shoes Grey adidas DfDLAwAR
(1915/1965) Womens Layton LowTop Sneakers Kurt Geiger JyUlT18
wrote about the collective effervescence or emotional energy that was experienced by members of totemic rituals in Australian aborigine society. He explained how the heightened state of emotional energy achieved during totemic rituals transported individuals above themselves giving them the sense that they were in the presence of a higher power, a force, that was embedded in the sacred objects that were worshipped. These feelings of exaltation, he argued, ultimately lead people to believe that there were forces that governed sacred objects.

In the 1990s, sociologists focused on different aspects of specific emotions and how these emotions were socially relevant. For Cooley (1992), Womens Twila Trainers USPolo Association Jk9zlj6
pride and shame were the most important emotions that drive people to take various social actions. During every encounter, he proposed that we monitor ourselves through the "looking glass" that the gestures and reactions of others provide. Depending on these reactions, we either experience pride or shame and this results in particular paths of action. Retzinger (1991) [75] conducted studies of married couples who experienced cycles of rage and shame. Drawing predominantly on Goffman and Cooley's work, Scheff (1990) Printed silk mini dress Rochas yMGHtLXyrf
developed a micro sociological theory of the social bond. The formation or disruption of social bonds is dependent on the emotions that people experience during interactions.

Subsequent to these developments, Randall Collins (2004) Mens Solid Chino Short Jim Not Applicable Chino Shorts Tom Tailor brGua474o
formulated his interaction ritual theory by drawing on Durkheim's work on totemic rituals that was extended by Goffman (1964/2013; 1967) Sandals for Women On Sale Black Leather 2017 25 35 45 55 75 Pinko 2017 zeY6X0YZ5
[79] into everyday focused encounters. Based on interaction ritual theory, we experience different levels or intensities of emotional energy during face-to-face interactions. Emotional energy is considered to be a feeling of confidence to take action and a boldness that one experiences when they are charged up from the collective effervescence generated during group gatherings that reach high levels of intensity.

There is a growing body of research applying the sociology of emotion to understanding the learning experiences of students during classroom interactions with teachers and other students (for example, Milne Otieno, 2007; [80] Olitsky, 2007; Stretchcotton Jersey Leggings Gray James Perse GSdetLBbl
Tobin, et al., 2013; Amelie Leather Ankle Boots Malone Souliers ILFdW1DK
Zembylas, 2002 [83] ). These studies show that learning subjects like science can be understood in terms of classroom interaction rituals that generate emotional energy and collective states of emotional arousal like emotional climate.

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  • Nick Nellis

    DevOps Engineer at The Weather Company an IBM Business

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